blog.capturingcourage.org

TIME, HERE, ITS NOW!

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-02-20T17:37:13Z

The picture of preaching and praying to many in Africa, was given to me some 30 years ago. Not recalling the exact age that I was at the time, this image has been with me so long that it feels that it has simply always been there.

My past ten years have been about preparing and establishing personal and corporate infrastructure to carry the work, with the Lord telling me over a year ago to take the picture of going to Africa off of the shelf in my minds eye; the time was getting closer.

Some years back I was impatient. Impatient to know when the releasing would be I cried out, "When?" only to come to understand that I needed to wait, as once released and begun the journey would come fast and furious.

And so I've been waiting, and biding my time with any number of great things to do and further preparations to be had. I finished off my coach training and began building that as a business. I joined forces with Maximum Impact Training & Development, bringing professional development to teams and managers, business's and non-profits.

At Max we hosted a one-day women's leadership conference in 2011 called Defying Expectations. A stunning day to say the least. I was keeping busy. Yet always in the back of my mind, the knowledge that one day would be the timing to step into a specific speaking and praying that would take me to parts of the world I had never been.

If anyone had asked me last summer when that might be, I'd have said that it was another two to three years off at the very least, but more likely five.

Boy was I wrong.

There seems to be this thing with waiting. We often and always feel like we are waiting for something, a lot of times a lot of things. Waiting and waiting, and like a watched pot the darn thing never boils.

Well, waiting for me in this specific thing, is over. And I am still adjusting in some ways.

I must say that it is very strange to have been waiting for years and years and years and all of a sudden-like to find oneself here. HERE, NOW, its TIME

A 30-year vision, 10 years of deliberate getting ready, internally and out, and it is now time.

So I've stopped everything else I am doing outside of Capturing Courage International, I've shut down my coaching website, and am no longer with Maximum Impact.

God is up to something in Africa, and I've been invited to be a part of it, and I'm taking up the offer.

Looking back on my life with all of its good, bad and the ugly, I realize that every single part, EVERY SINGLE PART, every seemingly random experience and thing I've ever done, has all added up to one amazing preparation for this call and opportunity.

I've not been told and warned and prepared for this job to respond halfheartedly once it shows up. If it is time, then I am jumping. Full bore, forward ho!

And there is something you could help me with.

While there have been any number of generous folk who are helping me out in various ways as I transition into full-time ministry work, with others donating specifically to Uganda trips, these are simply not long-term sustainable plans.

But there is an answer: ADVANCE Daily

A daily email from the desk of Cyndy Lavoie, going out on a subscription basis of $2.99 per month.

And with a few thousand subscribers I am more than set to cover my home expenses and traveling to Africa; extending spiritual restoration, deep inner healing and freedom and leadership development to individuals, communities and nations.

But I don't have a thousand subscribers... yet!

This is where you come in. With our lives as powerful as our thoughts and as strong as our best thinking, ADVANCE Daily bring strengths alongside your strengths each and every day.

Small bites shooting your day to advantage, ADVANCE harnesses the best you are bringing to the world to make it even better.

If you have been blessed by my writing and what I am about, I ask that you give ADVANCE Daily a try. For $2.99 a month you can help support myself and the work of Capturing Courage International in a long-term sustainable way.

On the technical end of things, the $2.99 is charged through Amazon to your credit card used there. Simply ensure that you sign up to ADVANCE with the same email address that you use for Amazon and the payment end of things is automatically taken care of.

Please note, that if you come to find that ADVANCE is not for you, you can simply unsubscribe at any time.

Thank-you to each one of you for your support in reading this blog. We are blessed at CCI to have many, many people who are encouraging and praying alongside us. Without your prayers we would not be able to do all we are doing.

For the many of you who made it out to a Uganda Story and Pic time, again thank-you for your blessing of presence over us, and your continued partnership through prayer and encouragements, wisdom and provision.

If you are interested in attending a Story and Pic time and are in the greater Vancouver BC area, simply private email me to let me know, as we are looking to have another of these in the next while.

cyndy@capturingcourage.org

Looking ahead, 2012 will have four trips to Uganda, and possibly a couple other countries as well. God-willing, four weeks from today I will be in Uganda for a months journey bringing deep spiritual restoration and leadership development to ten communities, churches and pastors.

A week ago the funding for this particular trip was at 2%, and it is now at 49%.

Praise the Lord!

Please continue to keep myself and Capturing Courage International in your prayers.

We are loosely a group of about 23 people, and covet your prayer support as we go forward into all that the Lord may have through us. Please keep us in your prayers, with many blessings back your way! Thank-you so much

A bit of a different blog today, thank-you for reading to the end and blessing me so very much with your presence and support, God's best to you today.

No Camera

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-02-13T18:51:09Z

The most profound moments of my trip to Uganda in November of 2011, are not caught by camera.

There is no record of taking medicines to the elderly. No snap-shots of squatting alongside the beautiful old folk on their mats, grasping their hands in mine, and often the other way around. No photo of looking deeply into their eyes, and even though I could not understand their language, understanding the various emotions and beauty and strength that flashed across their faces and through their eyes. To one elderly lady, wrinkled and yet with this stunning presence I said, "You are beautiful." To which she replied with deep wisdom, "I know."

Moments that can never be taken away from me.

I need no pictures to keep these memories.

Dance is stunning in Africa, and was one of the favorite things. One crusade evening, as the music stayed on and on and then some more, I found myself alongside an older lady. The rhythm of our dance grew in sync and though I could not speak her language and she could not speak mine, our bodies spoke "I am enjoying your presence" as we moved in time to each other and the music. To the youngsters who drew near and moved along with us; all simply magical.

I wouldn't spoil moments like that with a photo!

Moments that will stay in my heart forever.

To the men who drove me around, by bike and by car, who went to the markets with me, who traveled with me, toured the source of the Nile with me, ate with me and I with them, who prayed with me, I for them and they for me, who preached alongside me, who interpreted my heart and words, who shared their personal stories and spoke of God's faithfulness, who collaborated towards future things we might accomplish together...

No camera can capture such richness.

The children who dared to love on me, who shyly shook my hand, and delighted me with their smiles and exuberance. My hosts ladies, two beautiful women and their homes, where I was welcomed, embraced, cared for, spoiled, loved on and cried with when I left. To the women who quickly became friends; hardworking, passionate about health and education, their families and the movements of God.

There is no way to record such strength and beauty, transparency and authenticity.

I simply soaked it in and gave thanks.

It is the magic of Africa

Hidden Illness'

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-02-10T19:40:53Z

The following has circled around Facebook for some months now, showing up every so often:

"Hard to explain to someone who has no clue. It's a daily struggle being in pain or feeling sick on the inside while you look fine on the outside. Please put this as your status for at least 1 hour if you or someone you know has an invisible illness (PTSD, Anxiety, Bipolar, Depression, Diabetes, LUPUS, Fibromyalgia,TM, MS, ME, Arthritis, Celiac, Cancer, Heart Disease, Epilepsy, Autism,M.D., A.D.D, A.D.H.D, O.C.C., S.A.D and Phobiasetc.) " Never judge what you don't understand"

As it came back round this week, I was reminded that I've in fact wanted to write a post about some of these things, as I've known a few of them (to put it mildly).

It was about four years ago, that I began to have inexplicable pain in my body, headaches that wouldn't go away (when I'd hardly ever had headaches before), and a profound weariness that pervaded every day.

On top of this, noise just about did me in. The normal sounds of kids hanging out and laughing together became tortuous. Loud sounds felt like someone was hitting me with a belt. Noise left me physically beat up, literally.

I began seeing a massage therapist, and while I found some relief and greater movement of my atrophied arms, I also realized that the pain was over my entire body.

Long story short, I realized that I had Fibromyalgia. In addition to this Rheumatoid Arthritis had developed with pain in virtually every joint in my body.

On top of this I've had Absense Epilepsy since I was nine years old. And mild celiac, eating no wheat for eight years, with severe reactions when I might try a bit.

I was also recently suffering from PSTD in relation to my ex-spouse, and have had low-grade depression for most of my life.

So I've known a few of these things, and I've more to say that we don't often hear about these things. .

There is hope and there is healing, I've known this too.

When I first was diagnosed with Fibromyalgia, I intuitively knew that I was carrying the pain of my marriage in my body. "And why was I doing that anyway?"

I also realized that I was still not honest with myself or others. I'd been working on my own self-knowing for some years already, but Fibromyalgia screamed loud and clear, "You are still lying to yourself and others."

Imagine a board full of nails hammered through, and then the sharp ends pushing up under your skin; this is what fibromyalgia felt to me. My skin hurt all the time.

You see, our bodies will and do manifest the emotional realities of our lives. When we do not face our emotions honestly, our bodies will speak, giving witness to what is going on inside us at the deepest levels.

Internal pain that is not addressed will manifest externally. I guarantee it.

So I began asking myself three hard questions:

"Where am I still lying to myself and others?"

"Why am I carrying the pain of my marriage in my body?"

"How might I eliminate stress from my life?"

Beginning on an even deeper quest for honesty in my inner-most parts, I established and maintained strong 'NO More" to the emotionally debilitating areas of my life. And I established what I called my 'long-term stress reduction plan'.

I also held myself to the 100% responsibility clause.

"Assuming that I am 100% responsible for where I have gotten to today, the dysfunction, the pain in my body, the exhaustion and ill-health... what might I do to change this scenario?"

Try it on for yourself, really try it: 100% responsible. You'll be amazed at the strength and power to make deep and lasting changes in your life.

You see, we are more powerful than we think. Virtually every thing in our lives are there because we said 'yes' at some point in time.

And the problem with statements that I quoted at the start of this post, is that it makes the person who has these illnesses the victim. I completely agree that it is very hard to live with hidden illness and not look in any way on the outside debilitated. I get that, been there done that.

But there is healing, if we will do the hard work of going after it, of making very hard choices, of becoming increasingly self aware, making a plan and then working the plan.

My own list of hidden illness':

Epilepsy
Fibromyalgia
Rheumatoid Arthritis
Celiac
PSTD
Anxiety
low-grade Depression

Qualified to speak to these things... they need not say the last word. There is healing available.

My epilepsy has been healed through much prayer and continued asking for healing. A 10 year journey of wanting healing bad enough, and today my EEG's show up as 'no absence epilepsy'.

Anxiety I found is nothing more than wanting to control a situation. So when I was suffering from anxiety I learned to ask myself, 'What am I trying to control?" Would track my anxiety back to the cause, the thought, the situation, and would then face head on the worst-case scenario and voila, no need to control, and no anxiety.

Celiac and Rheumatoid Arthritis are connected. And as a special gift God (just this past November) has healed my celiac and with it my Rheumatoid Arthritis is no more. No longer do I have extreme reaction to wheat consumption, and I am enjoying many things I've not eaten for years and years.

Low-grade Depression simply disappeared as I began going after what I want, and what is important to me. As I took risks and grabbed hold of courage in new ways every single year, depression serves me no purpose any longer.

PSTD, was a more recent thing in the wake of the trauma of my marriage. But as I've released last bitterness' and grieved my broken heart, I no longer have PSTD either! Praise the Lord!

Fibromyalgia is the only thing I still deal with occasionally. It may never completely go away, as harm done to our bodies is harm done to our bodies. But as I stay in honesty with myself and with others , "This doesn't work for me." and following through with actions (not just words) the Fibro really has no say, it recedes into the background, impotent to affect any longer.

In addition to the inner healing and honesty work I've also engaged some natural healing avenues, making sure to address the problems from both a physical and emotional aspect.

Simply put: Most of these hidden illness are emotions not dealt with.

Harsh?

For sure! But just think, if I am right, if what I am saying is accurate, that means that those who have these illness', hold the keys, have the power in fact, to their own healing!

No excuses, no victimization, 100% responsibility

"Assuming that I am 100% responsible for where I have gotten to today, the dysfunction, the pain in my body, the exhaustion and ill-health... what might I do to change this scenario?"

Is it hard work? You better believe it! Damned hard. The hardest work a person will ever do is to make right all that is wrong in one's life as witnessed to by these hidden illness'.

Hidden Illness' simply testify to our worlds gone bad... and only we can make that right

Dancing

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-02-07T17:19:03Z

Pulled back and forth between what is pressing and immediate to the long-term big picture of things, can be a bit of a trick.

As individuals we are often and naturally wired one way or the other.

We may be good at big-picture long term thinking but lousy with day-to-day immediacy's.

Or we are good at the details of living but never really think about what any of it might mean in the big scope of things.

Thing is, we need both of these abilities. And both of these can be cultivated.

We need to be able to face our day-to-day and the immediate details of life and work and home and family.

Visions don't happen unless we put some ground-work into place.

We also need to be able to step back, widen out the camera lens so to speak, and see 'the point' of what we are doing, how we are spending our time, and where our efforts are going; what is the map of our lives.

Ground-work means nothing without a larger scope of understanding.

Last week I was confronted by an immediate and traumatic need that required I bring some stability and sameness into a situation. All of a sudden there was nothing else that needed attention but a very 'in my face' need.

It took a few days of my life, and extended in small ways throughout this past week. With that week's time revealing that some details of my days will in fact be changed from here on out.

At the same time, the week went by and perspective opened up once more and long range vision cried for some attention.

Life often feels this incredible mix of all that is imminent and pressing contrasting with the much bigger point of everything.

It is not either / or

It is both / and

One day I am dealing with a crisis that demanded every ounce of my being to enter in and engage and simply 'be' in the pain, adding what comfort I could, and within a few days I am considering this years trips to Africa, and am reminded by texts and emails and phone calls that there is a much bigger world than my little pocket of crisis.

That world I am also to engage, bringing what I can to the table; being fully present.

The crisis of mental illness / the task of extending deep spiritual freedom to nations

Extending deep spiritual freedom to nations / the immediacy of being a single Mom

We all have conundrums and dichotomies that must be faced.

I've found, that the farther into leadership and influence one goes, the larger the dichotomies become, and the more humility is necessary to walk it.

It takes enormous focus and discipline of 'setting oneself aside', our fears and inadequacies and self-doubts and what doesn't make sense, to in fact step into bigger pictures.

The farther one goes into influence, the less and less it is about us.

Our lives becoming one of service means...

We mustn't be distracted by our stuff

It's not about us!

Fancy that

So we walk faithfully with our days. The days that have us with a microscope gazing at our imminent and personal realities, and then the days that have us engaged with something that is far, far bigger than ourselves.

The camera lens zooms in, the camera lens zooms out.

Big picture, then the details, big picture, then the details...

Hmmm, sounds like a dance to me!

NOTE: For more about perspective read this post

Mental Illness

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-01-30T19:51:00Z

A terrible scourge, mental illness is... a horrible thing.

The thing with mental illness is that we don't talk about it. This blog post is my little piece of talking about it.

I don't know much, and I know a lot.

My knowledge comes from living with another's mental illness for twenty-plus years.

The pain of mental illness was brought back fresh to me today with an incident that happened this morning. And so I will share my heart on mental illness.

For those of you who normally read my posts, you may notice that my writing is different today. At least it feels it is. The profound sadness that has swept through my being, has affected my thinking ability, and I am flat to the core. My energy has fled.

I share not so much to vent my own story, but in the knowing that there are many, many out there dealing with various types of psychological difficulties in either themselves or those close to them. Perhaps what I write will be a help of sorts.

I am no expert, but certainly a participant, and it is this place from which I write.

Scientifically speaking, the reason mental illness affects us so very much is due to the fact that our limbic systems, where the seat of emotion is within us, is an open system.

Contrary to this we have our nervous system, respiratory system, and such that are closed systems. My nervous system does not affect your nervous system, they are separate and closed off from each other.

But the limbic system is open. Therefore your mood affects me and my mood affects you. We are tuned into each others psychological states far more than we realize.

And this is why mental illness is such a silent enemy. It takes down everyone around it.

It is inexplicable, unpredictable and inflexible. Like trying to catch the wind.

To the one with mental illness who refuses to acknowledge or get help, the pain simply breeds more pain. There is never anything wrong of course to the one with mental illness... simply wrong with everyone else round about.

For those with mental illness who get help, I suspect it is different, and yet I don't know, cannot say, because that has not been my story.

The mental illness that I am so well acquainted is a jeckel and hyde thing. Bi-polar to be exact, the spectrum of amazing and up and getting on with life with the swing to raging, abusive and pulling back into the shadows, retreating till there is no-one there...

Is simply exhausting

"Oh God but for a bit of sameness... just grant us stability, we beg..."

It affected what we ate, how we ate, when we went to church, how we participated in family events, whether we were spending money or saving money, did we have friends, did we not have friends, were others allowed in the house, were they not... and on and on... and on.

While the unpredictability is the worst, the chilling predictability is what kills,

"Oh we are at this phase, and after this one comes this one, and after that one then the other one, and then we are back at the first phase."

Each cycle is flipped like a switch, good one day BAD the next.

Month after month, year after year, day in and day out... with all ones senses attuned to the every present signs of 'what stage are we at now and how much time do we have before the next one kicks in'

The getting ready for one's world to flip upside down, for everything to make no sense whatsoever, ensures that even the good times aren't good any more. They simply signal the bad that most surely comes.

Nothing can be trusted, and good simply becomes a worse sort of bad... good is the joker that mockingly reassures and draws one in, simply to be close enough for the hit to hit hard.

I don't have all this grey hair for nothing.

Mental illness untreated is a black hole to which everything is consumed. All energy, focus, passion; mental illness demands that the very core of a family's exsistence revolve around it and it only. Like all disease it is exceptionally selfish.

When the doctors at the psych ward diagnosed bi-polar 14 years ago (this month actually... trauma bores into ones memory), they came to that particular diagnosis because, and I quote, "It can't be schizophrenia because you would not have remained married this long."

Mental illness, unless attended to, drives people apart.

One of the worst things with mental illness is that unless one has experienced it up close and personal, it doesn't make sense. And so it divides friendship and family and community.

Isolation is the darkness that makes way for mental illness to have its day, and every time we discount someones experience, simply because we've not experienced it, we are party to the silent deaths that surround mental illness.

I am reminded of a funny story in a Laura Ingalls book: The student sits down at his desk to land on a tack put there by another student. He yells, shrieks as he launches himself off of the tack. The teacher, obviously perturbed by the ruckus gives a detention. And the student when asked why he was punished, "Because I got off a tack."

It's not such a funny story after all.

This has been my experience. It took me a long time, far too long in fact, to get off that tack, but when I did there were a number who simply were perturbed (some offended no less) by the ruckus.

"How dare you get off the tack!"

I've lost some friends over this, lost my church, and family has been divided... many are simply not sure and keep their distance.

One more price to pay for mental illness that refuses to be attended to. The costs keeps on, and on, and on.

Loss upon loss upon loss...

upon loss upon loss upon loss...

Though I have distanced myself and have said, 'No more.' My kids are still paying the price in various ways. And as their Mom, I weep and weep and weep for them, and for us.

Does it never end?!

No, it doesn't

It doesn't end.

Till death do us part. The pain this morning, the profound sadness that sweeps through my body immediately takes me back to those days when I begged of God, "Either take me, or take him, or release me from this marriage. It doesn't matter which, I simply can't do this any more."

If you are reading this and are dealing with mental illness in any shape or form, or suspect that you might have a mental illness, if anyone around you is suggesting that you might, take them seriously and check it out. Get help.

Our story is simply one of tens of thousands... maybe yours can turn out differently

Moments

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-01-29T18:45:13Z

"Grab hold of the moments"

We've all heard this. I've no idea where it was first coined, but nonetheless it gives wisdom to our days.

But... what are the moments anyway?

A few of my own week's favourite moments:

lunch and scrabble with my oldest daughter and son-in-law
braiding my youngest daughters hair at Starbucks
laughing with my middle daughter at the exact same spots of Big Bang Theory

(What are your week's favourite moments?)

The thing about moments is, they come but once. They present themselves and then pass, never to reappear in the same way twice. It is why we must grab hold of them.

It's why we must make room for them, and why we must always have our eyes and hearts open to take advantage of them and to run with them.

...and why our hearts must be at ease. When I am angry for instance, I have no room for 'moments'. I couldn't care less.

When I am tired and lonely, or sad and flat, I barely have the energy for moments.

And yet, the most important thing about moments, is that we simply show up. When we don't have the energy, when we don't have the passion, when we are simply flat, even just showing up does its own work.

Showing up honours moments and the people in them, even if we are not all there.

And this applies to all moments, the big, small and in-between moments.

I was privileged yesterday to hear Dan Wooley speak. The man who was trapped in the Haiti earthquake of 2010, who treated his wounds from an app on his I-Phone, shared how he took the moments to write messages to his wife, and this one, that he left for his sons,

"Don't just live - Change the world"

The thing about changing the world... it's simply about the moments.

World changers simply grab hold of moments that are presented.

I've realized, that my trips to Africa in the months to come, all add up to a moment.

A micro-dot on the time-line of world history, it is simply a moment to run with.

We are a global community after all, and taking hold of these global stage moments needs to become our new normal. We must zoom our camera lens out, take on bigger perspectives and see moments for what they are. We've got to shake off the ooh's and ahh's and simply get on with it, whatever 'it' might be.

The thing is, whatever our own 'changing the world' might be, it is easier than ever before, it's just a matter of grabbing hold of the moments.

What moments are presenting themselves to you?

Because quite frankly, it is the same for all of us, in every area of our lives, and it's critical to remember that for specific blessings and times in history, be it the story of family, community, nation or world, moments...

...are all we have.

Waiting

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-01-27T18:36:28Z

What are you waiting for?

Waiting has got to be one of the most difficult things. If there is anything I have learned, it's that I am not very good at predicting or even accurately sensing how long something might take.

I am pretty good at discerning a lot of things, but not timing.

When things feel IMMINENT it usually means there are a few more years in the waiting.

And that just may be an understatement...

I wonder if we confuse that sense of 'it must be now' with simply the passion that happens within ourselves when we grab hold of a vision.

'It must be now' can easily turn into years and years.

And not by any mistake or ill-design. Quite the opposite in fact.

The time that it takes from a vision's inception and from a declared course of action is critical to the success and fruition of what is coming.

The passion required to stay the course, cooperating with a vision, sticking to our guns as we continue to 'declare' is exactly the type of character development that visions require.

Waiting is the birth-place of visions set to last the test of time, for if vision can stand the test of waiting, it can stand the tests of time.

God's Oil

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-01-18T20:47:02Z

Our hearts can grow tough and brittle. The difficulties and challenges, the trauma's and tragedies that we all have experienced in some form or fashion, can do a number on our internal reserves.

Often we shrink from these things. And often rightly so. Yet many years ago I learned a very valuable lesson that has stood me in good stead ever since.

It was the birthing day of my oldest child. I'd never been in labour before, was young and not familiar with pushing through pain and quite simply, looking back, did not know the strengths I possessed.

One memory stands out strong. I was laying on my side in the bed, with eyes closed, breathing through each contraction, using a bit of gas as I went along.

At the end of a contraction I opened my eyes to find my doctor standing against the window-sill, simply watching me. Observing how I was handling the pain, how I was coping.

And he spoke to me the most profound words I have ever heard:

"Just let the pain do what it is supposed to do."

I've carried those words ever since, and while I won't go into the long story here, let me say that I've had lots of practice letting pain do what it is supposed to do.

The results have been magnificent.

You see, we have two options when it comes to pain. We can shrink from it, our souls and minds becoming shriveled and pinched, with life shrinking-in and our spirits playing smaller and smaller with each passing day.

Or we can allow pain to wash over our being, exactly as a contraction washes over a woman's body when in labour, birthing in our lives strength and resilience and flexibility of heart, spirit, mind and body.

Shrinking back from pain results in tightened muscles, anxious anticipation, nervous reactions and wasted energy.

All of which make for brittle living, embittered spirits, exhausted hearts and limited vision. We go from weakness to weakness. Like worn out wine skins, weathered tennis shoes, or neglected car leather, our inner being becomes increasingly fragile.

We cannot contain the glory of God, do not have emotional reserve for miracles or blessings, and we wonder what the heck has gone wrong with our life.

The study of oil is of great interest. Physically we use oil to soften parched skin, add shine to hair, seal wounds and when massaged oil brings relief to sore and weary muscles.

It is the perfect picture of God and us.

I've seen firsthand time and time again, how the presence of God soaks into an individuals reality, bringing an oil of sorts to worn-out hearts, restoring sheen to lackluster spirits, and vibrancy to life's muscle.

The results are magnificent.

Pain need not have the last say in our lives. Inviting God into the atrophied parts of our being, makes for something profound.

I guarantee it

Christmas Cheer

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-01-12T03:46:53Z

I am only today taking down my Christmas tree. Making it something of a treat too, with the strong voices of Il Divo's Christmas CD keeping me company.

I've waited till now because it feels as though Christmas slipped through this year without much of my attention.

The beginning of December had me returning from Uganda and promptly becoming ill. With no plans of getting a tree or gifts this year, I was content to simply breathe in Christmas however it decided to come to us.

Well come it did. In the most delightful way

That second week of December found me semi-comatose on the couch. For three days I lay in a feverish stupor, only getting up to visit the washroom or to eat a Christmas orange or to try drinking some water.

One of those afternoons in tumbled and bubbled my son Zack with his girlfriend Meghan, and my daughter Danielle with her friend Donald. They were very excited and delightedly exclaimed that they had found a 5' fake Christmas tree for only $5.

(to which I vaguely remember groaning a 'wow that is great' from my place on the couch)

They immediately proceeded to set it up and decorate it with the decorations they had also bought. With Meghan taking charge of the lights and Donald taking charge of the decorations we soon had a Christmas tree. Viola!

The perfect size and balance for our apartment too!

Within a day or two I was admitted to the hospital. And when I came home from my six-day stay, I found the house decorated. Stockings hanging over the fire. Christmas decorations out and about. Candles, lights at the windows, ornaments, all arranged with care.

All that was left to do was to get out my own tree ornaments and add them to the ones that the kids had already put on the tree. And this I managed the Sunday before Christmas. I loved the treat of adding in my own touch, but even more so, I loved that the whole thing had been such a community event of sorts.

A few days later I mentioned the decorating to Danielle to which she laughed and said, "Yes I came home from school one day to find Meghan and Donald decorating the house!"

I think it is one of the best Christmas gifts I've ever received; certainly one I will never forget. I am simply tickled pink.

And I am pretty sure this was as tangible a demonstration of the spirit of Christmas as ever there was.

So I've enjoyed the tree a little longer than usual, and have made a ta-da out of taking it down, with Il Divo and a blog post commemorating the event.

Gonna take this cheer with me as I go through this year; Christmas: effort, focus, care, tangibly given in the shape of a 5' fake Christmas tree.

Simply sublime

Faithful Moms

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-01-08T19:55:53Z

A new baby was born in the community last night and my nostalgia for mothering is brimming.

Being a Mom, bringing life into the world, caring for those little ones and imparting a grand sense of the adventure of living as they grow, is one of the most profound privileges this world holds.

My own young Mom years were an open canvas upon which to explore and find what truly made me tick. The privilege of staying home with my five little ones gave opportunity to find my own creative successes, increasing confidence and strong beauty along the way; learning to love and sacrifice and prioritize and see with bigger perspective.

My 17 year old has a pretend baby from school this weekend. One that cries and needs to be burped, whose head must not be moved or points are detracted, and must not be left alone whatsoever (she has a bracelet that records everything). I've been reminded of the work of a baby, the work of little ones.

I loved being a stay-at-home mom. A home-body by nature, hunkering amongst my personal comforts and routines has always been a strong thread in me, even as I venture out and about, and more lately out and about half-way across the world.

It is in this call to other places (another possible two to three trips to Uganda this year), that has me looking back and even more glad, profoundly glad, for those years that I spent at home.

My profound thankfulness for the time that I spent full-on with my kids cannot be overstated. As I look ahead and pre-grieve all that I will be missing from here on out, I am simply and profoundly grateful that I invested so much of my life in my children.

They are years that can never be taken away, but that I could have quite easily missed.

They were not perfect years by any means. So much went wrong in those years, so many things that should never have been. So much chaos, that I became utterly bone weary by the end of those stay-at-home years, and became quite useless for some time, both emotionally and in terms of being physically present.

But what I do know, was that I was faithful. And the other thing I know: it all boils down to faithfulness. Every single last bit of it.

No matter what we are about, are we faithful?

The faithful places grow their own rewards, sow their own seeds towards our future.

Faithfulness is the key ingredient towards promotion and honour of any kind.

Simply put, are you faithful to what is before you at this time?

Am I faithful with what is before me at this time?

It is almost like nothing else matters, so large is this issue of faithfulness.

It is these Mom years that prove us. That try us and then try us some more. Pushed to the very edge of endurance and patience and emotional stamina, we find out what we are made of, and we find out if we are faithful.

My 17 year old daughter had to burp her pretend baby for 45 minutes the other night. She couldn't believe it, was incredulous and vehemently declared there is no way a real baby might need to be burped for that long. To which I replied, "Oh yes they just might."

Faithfulness, once it is proved, reaps its rewards, and becomes a catalyst for more of the same.

My trip to Uganda turned out a few surprises, and one of them is this thing of mothering. There for only a few short weeks, I nevertheless came to clearly see that Uganda is a nation that has raised itself.

Between the brutal dictatorial years with President Idi Amin in the 1970's, the Aids crisis that has resulted in untold numbers of orphans, and the habits of polygamy that bred profound family upheaval and destruction, the Ugandan people have been raising themselves.

Near the end of my trip I was presented with a traditional Ugandan dress and jewelry. The kind, I was told, that Mothers wear. And in the presentation and giving of this dress was declared that I was now a Mother of Uganda.

Being a Mom, while a privilege in and of itself, is there for women as a proving ground of character and habits and faithfulness. All of which reveals itself in the calling and work that we have been given that goes far beyond raising children.

Women are not designed to be mothers forever, our bodies prohibit it. And the thing is, there are a great many other things in this world that desperately need the lessons of those years, the character and strength and wisdom that growing children makes of us.

After all, faithfulness in one arena, simply yet quite profoundly positions us for faithfulness on those larger arenas that move our gifts and strengths outside our own four walls, to the world beyond.

Proven faithful with a little we are given much.

We welcome our newest Mom on the scene: may you be mightily blessed in your own proving grounds.

I am Sorry

Cyndy Lavoie — 2012-01-03T19:01:08Z

It was Saturday evening in Madudu, Uganda. I'd been in the village since Tuesday simply basking in the beauty of the people and the land.

Sitting that evening on a bench at a wedding reception, a young girl came up to me to say hello and to shake my hand. Nothing out of the ordinary, I shook more hands and looked into more eyes that week than the previous months.

It is custom in Uganda to give respect and honour by kneeling before one to whom you want to show respect. And more than this, I suspect, one to whom deference is due.

I don't know where this custom first took root. Whether it comes out of the colonization of the country or was there beforehand, I simply do not know. (And it should be noted that it is a sign of respect not only towards whites, but anyone of significance.)

Needless to say, there were a number of women who would kneel when they met me or shook my hand. I did not create any scenes, made no drama even when in my head I was screaming, "NO! do not kneel before me!"

Until the night of the wedding.

As the young girl and I shook hands a gentleman near me instructed, "Kneel down in front of the white woman."

He spoke this in the local language, but I could pick out 'white woman', and I could tell by the tone that a command had just been given, and from the immediate kneeling of this little one before me I knew exactly what had been said.

I immediately countered, "Do NOT tell her that!"

And just as quickly my own and a few other hands to my side, reached out to lift her to her feet.

This all happened within seconds. I was horrified. To teach this to the next generation simply made me enraged.

The next morning was Sunday, and I was preaching at church. Now I preached quite a bit on this trip, averaged out it would have been at least once per day. But this day was a bit different.

I woke in the morning with the heaviness of that little girl being told to kneel before me simply because I was white, crushing my heart and mind with grief.

Colonization of countries is the same evil in the hearts of white folk that led to slavery in untold proportions around the world. The atrocities of this evil from whites toward blacks specifically, we are still healing from here in North America.

My heart has been breaking over this for some time already. Most recently, the movie The Help has me simply weeping, with no other adequate response, each time I see it.

And so to find myself in a country that had once been colonized. To be on the receiving end of this... idolatry of whites, was simply not okay.

That Sunday morning I could not stop crying. My heart broke further.

And so as part of my message that day, I apologized.

"On behalf of white folk the world over, I am so sorry"

I apologize in Jinja as well. With nearly just as many tears as the first time.

It appears this is part of my work in Africa. Perhaps the world over.

Quite frankly, the many many things that have gone wrong in times gone by, from one people group to another, continue to have profound effect and carry on strongholds within the lives of people and communities and nations.

And it takes someone to stand in the gap and to say, "That was not okay!"

"I am so very sorry"

And then, in the authority that God gives, to declare that the poison of these tragedies and of this evil be removed from the people, from the communities and from the nations.

Amen and amen

Uganda's 2012 is their 50th year anniversary of independence from British rule.

It appears there is a corporate work to be done there this year, if nothing more, to simply apologize and to rid once and for all the remnants of atrocity from the land.

Something I am profoundly glad to do.

A Very Full Year

Cyndy Lavoie — 2011-12-30T21:01:08Z

A synopsis of my 2011 year in point form:

January - Grand-daughter Anna is born = great celebration
February - Speaking 'freedom' to 100 women = out of the ball-park success
March - Into my own place after the breakup of my 23 year marriage = bittersweet relief
April - months of effort conclude in Defying Expectations Conference = simply stunning day
May - Anna dies of crib death = profound sorrow
June, July & August - a blur of grief and ill health = focus on healing
September - Trying to rebuild a business put aside for most of the year = head banging effort
October - Committed to a trip to Uganda = huge shift of heart and life
November - Trip to Uganda = incredible privilege and releasing of 30 years vision
December - Ill with measles and malaria = resting and silence

What does one do with a year like this?

What I do know is that the fullness of life is represented in this year of mine.

All of the good and bad, from the very heights to the very depths have been a part. My heart retains the fullness of this year. It is part of what fashions passion and intention and deliberation of years to come.

What I haven't included in my synopsis is the healing to my body that I've experienced this year. My absence epilepsy that I've had since I was 9 years old is gone. Prayed away in the power of God and the faithfulness to simply keep on asking for healing. Wow and Amen!

What does one do with a year like this?

Additionally: I've not eaten wheat for some eight or nine years. The one time I tried a touch of bread product in May of this year, my legs and ankles and feet swelled twice their normal size, and it was six weeks till the swelling went away.

Come a few short weeks prior to the trip to Uganda, I sensed God was telling me that I could now eat wheat for I was being healed. It was the same week that Geoffrey in Uganda was fasting and praying, and added to that week of profound ah-ha's and added wisdom, to further inner healing of heart and soul, was added this healing of wheat and gluten.

I've had wheat every single day since, with not one side-effect, with my rheumatoid arthritis disappearing as well (they are related after all).

So what does one do with a year like this?

I've also not included the profound presence of God the week Anna died. That week we were all given a larger lens by which to see life. A larger heart by which to take the good with the bad and still declare God good.

The sting of death was removed by the gracious, profound and deep presence of God. A God who knows all things and keeps all things and by whom we can know and be kept as we tuck into God closer and closer.

What does one do with a year like this?

Neither does this synopsis show the healing of my broken heart. With an easy two-thirds of my marriage an ever-present and continuous declaration (through both words, decisions and actions), from my ex of, "I don't like you and I really want nothing to do with you."

I only recently realized that my heart was broken. Has been broken for some 15 years, and without having the words to put to it till now... How is that possible?

And yet, in the distance created since the end of such craziness, I see clearly that the illness's of body and soul that plagued me over the years were simply the results and outworking of a broken heart.

Today, it is mending and mostly mended. 2011 has been a year of releasing last vestiges of bitterness, of appreciation of what was good, and of letting go and saying good-bye from the deepest recesses of my heart.

Blessed and bittersweet and in its own way, I now know profound gladness to have lived through the deepest rejection possible and come through strong and solid and tall of heart and spirit. I am simply stronger for it, and in a weird sort of way, thankful for it.

What does one do with a year like this?

What I do know, is once we've faced the very worst things, with our hearts cracked open wide, all we have left is courage and authenticity and a blank canvas of life to come, by which we are more equipped than ever before to dance and to celebrate and to sorrow and grieve.

There is not one without the other in this life.

Today, as I write this blog I find out that the new grand-baby my daughter is carrying is a boy.

Dorian is his name.

We welcome you little Dorian. We are eagerly and with much delight awaiting your arrival.

2012, we welcome you as well, with all the good and the bad that this next year might bring, we will simply come out the other side stronger of mind and body, heart and soul.

Quite simply, God, we thank-you for life, the good the bad and the ugly, and your presence in it; and we invite you into our 2012's.

7% Words

Cyndy Lavoie — 2011-12-27T05:03:26Z

There are so many stories to tell from my trip to Uganda that I hardly know where to begin. My weeks since, laid up with Malaria, has been its own rich time. You know the kind, when the world shuts down for awhile and there is time and space for experiences to percolate... it now feels as though I could write a blog each day for a month and maybe even then not be finished the telling.

It is one thing to describe a trip, telling the itinerary, the stops, the places visited, the how of traveling from here to there and back again. But none of this describes the true essence, the depth or the actual story.

I'll start at the near-end of my trip, where I met Elijah. A young man who is the music & choir director at New Victory Primary School in Jinja. We had gathered for three days of Pastor's Conference at the school. And though the school year was out for a two month break, a few of the kids stayed on, living at the school over the holidays.

They were our worship leaders that brought us into the presence of the Lord at the beginning, the middle and the end of each day.

Simply fabulous

Elijah led them. The finest children's choir director I have ever seen, he could go anywhere in the world and command top dollar for his heart and passion and skill in leading kids in celebration and song and dance.

It was simply magic to watch him.

To my chagrin I took no video, and don't even have a picture of his face, simply this one:

And while I simply LOVE his t-shirt (and would love one just like it), this picture does him no justice whatsoever, only a fraction is revealed of this fun, intense, passionate man of God.

Doubling as my interpreter, it was simply a joy and delight to work alongside each other. As I spoke he mimicked perfectly tone and voice modulation, passion and heartfelt words. He knew the secret of drawing forth emotion, of connecting on that common ground of shared feelings and experiences of heart and soul.

A Master at what and who he is, the kids responded in kind:

"The little children will lead them"

They brought forth their own delight and joy and celebration. With skill and much practice added to the beauty of soul and heart.

Elijah brought forth the very best in these kids. He gave them the skills they needed to do well, he mentored and tutored them in the ways of celebration and worship that comes deep from within a person, he nurtured and encouraged...

All of which reminds me of God himself.

God, who is not afraid of celebration, not afraid of dance and strong passion and emotions be them positive or negative.

God who knows sorrow as we know sorrow and knows joy as we know joy, taking us in hand to show us the way to our own honesty's of being human.

While in Uganda I hardly needed any interpretations as I watched and took in what was going on around me day after day. Communication after all, is only about 7% words, the remaining 93% is body language, voice tone, eye contact, gestures... and of course emotions.

Emotions are one of our primary knowing systems. Along with sight, sound, taste, touch, and smell, we mustn't forget emotions.

Emotions connect us across cultures and language barriers and all manner of perceived incongruities.

When we can see with our hearts, and not just our minds, the world opens up. We find common themes running through all of our lives and experiences, we are more alike than we know!

And just like Elijah, comfort with our emotions establishes us as leaders, showing the way, establishing the paths, bringing out the best in those around us.

Communication that connects us heart to heart.

Integral Christmas

Cyndy Lavoie — 2011-12-21T19:50:23Z

Christmas is an interesting time of year. Either the best or the worst of times, I've known it as both.

Christmas brings out the joy or pain of our lives and amplifies it either way.

This year I am finding a deep contentment that supersedes the decorations, the gifts, the food treats; all of which are nice but truly do not touch any genuine spirit of Christmas.

It has taken years to get here.

When I was a young mom I would spend hours decorating my tree, wrapping presents, and baking goodies. Somehow these activities alerted my being to the reality of Christmas.

I was not yet carrying Christmas inside myself, and I was therefore dependent on these outer habits and rituals to mark the season.

Somewhere through the years it began to change for me. Perhaps a natural aging process, I've come to lose the need for rituals to mark this season.

This year, I am not even buying any gifts. My finances at an all-time low, and having been sick with Malaria and in the hospital for a time and still recuperating, I am just not engaged in Christmas in the same way as I once was.

I cannot tell you how much I am enjoying this!

The opportunity to connect on a deeper level the reality of Christmas in my heart, is an opportunity I wouldn't pass on if I could. Glad to be experiencing deep gladness and contentment within my own being, these things can never be taken away.

It is no secret that Christmas in North America has become a bit of a rat race. With expectations at all time highs, and with disappointments at concurrent highs, Christmas has become a subservient slave to the circumstances and decisions of those around us.

Somewhere we gave away our happiness to the treats we have baked, the gifts we are receiving or giving, and the general attitude of those around us. We've given away our authority to decide and determine for and within ourselves what we want this season to be for us.

I distinctly remember being disgusted and burnt-out with Christmas habits and rituals as they had developed within my family. And the subsequent soul-searching and journey of articulating and defining what I wanted Christmas to be about for me, and who I wanted to be through Christmas.

It took some work, no doubt about it. It took some hard conversations, and literal stepping back and away from those things I could no longer and with integrity participate. It took a number of years and has been a journey of finding myself, and aligning my core values with the way Christmas plays out in reality.

What kind of person do I want to be through the Christmas season? How do I want to mark Christmas?

Questions that each of us can ask for ourselves.

You might be surprised at the answers.

Christmas' can be lived deliberately and with deep integrity; a worthwhile process of taking stock, asking yourself:

Who do you want to be this season, and next year, and the year after that?

What is truly most important to you?

In the Land of Not Telling

Cyndy Lavoie — 2011-12-18T01:24:09Z

I'm back! I've been to the land of Illness. Was there nearly as long as the land of Uganda. Quite simply I'm glad to be home.

There is an interesting thing about the Land of Illness. It goes by another name: the land of NOT TELLING.

You know what I mean, when wearing those lovely little gowns and no one tells when a peak here or there happens.

For instance:

The sweet old man making regular trips past my open door to get to the washroom...

His back never tied together, with cute little undies and butt for all the world to see

But shhh, no one is telling!

The day he came out of the washroom with his gown tucked nicely up and into the front of his undies

Shhh, no one is telling

And the skinny gal who sported a thin line of skin from shoulder to leg each and every time I saw her

No one is telling

It is an interesting thing to sit around in not much more than a sheet day after day. Doors open, man for a room-mate, people coming and going back and forth through the halls... (in the actual hall for two days no less)...

and it all matters not one whit!

I suppose it's because much more pressing matters are at hand, we are all simply trying to get well.

And because somehow the rules change in hospitals (akin to campsites I suspect). And while it may be strange enough for us gals to be wearing gowns, imagine how strange for the men.

We are all in the same boat, smiling our little smiles at the cracks of skin here and there, and hoping to God we aren't showing any of our own.

My own confidence, which had reached an all-time high with my sheet-made-gown was put to the test one day when rounding my bed to unplug my IV machine, discovered what threatened to be my own thin (or not so thin) line of skin from shoulder to leg...

Aghast! my ties had undone themselves and were not even attached...

I rushed to make it right

How much flesh I'd shown I'll never know

For my room-mate, a regal, wise old man,

...He'll never tell

In a Nutshell

Cyndy Lavoie — 2011-12-06T18:18:34Z

Twenty-nine days since my last post! Wow, I've lived a whole other lifetime since and it will take some weeks to put words to it all.

Thirty years ago I was given a picture in my mind's eye of speaking the heart of God and praying freedom for people in Africa.

It's been thirty years of preparation

Thirty years of lessons, deep heart-aches, experiencing deep poverty of my own heart and soul and finding through it all a deep knowledge of God's heart and of provision that supersedes anything I could figure out on my own.

God is alive and well and deeply interested in our realities and in entering into the mix of our lives with deep encouragements and touches from his heart to ours, and through our hearts to others and back again.

This is the knowing, and the message, that I took to Uganda.

Simply put: touched by God we are transformed forever.

It constantly amazes me how easy it is to bless each other. If I had never opened my mouth, there would have still been a profound ministry of God to the people of Madudu and Jinja and Inganga simply because a white woman came (alone) and stayed awhile.

This simple act of getting on a plane and flying half-way around the world spoke its own message. I don't completely get it, may never fully understand it, but I saw it, was told it, and am humbled that my simple obedience can be such an empowering thing for those I met and stayed with.

One of my first days we took some simple medicines and prayer to the elderly in the outlying areas of Madudu, and in one humble home, lying on his bed unable to get up any longer, was one beautiful old man.

I could not speak his language, and he could not speak mine, but I prayed over him, blessing his strength and beauty of soul that poured through his eyes and countenance.

He then spoke to my companion, the translation:

"If a white woman has come to Madudu then God must be real, and I am ready to accept Jesus Christ now."

I simply had to show up and in this a message of God was spoken to him.

And isn't that simply it, really and all the time

We show up

We engage

We honour

We bless

By our very manner, we say 'Thank-you for living and for your contribution to the world'

Simply by the space we hold for others,

The common places of joy and pain where we meet heart to heart, regardless of age, regardless of gender, regardless of space and time, of circumstance or surroundings...

We are simply all the same, and as we get into each others spaces we bless and are blessed

This, in a nutshell, was my trip to Uganda

Land of Milk and Honey

Cyndy Lavoie — 2011-11-07T16:02:35Z

There is a whole Tribe of people who are burnt out, tired, and overwhelmed. Having found their success, those in Tribe Three carry on day after day, month in and month out sustaining and maintaining the success they worked so hard to find.

Now, don't get me wrong, success must be found. It must be experienced. We must be deeply know what we bring to the table, and bring it we must. What we miss, or have never been taught, is that the success we find in the 'I am Great' tribe, is meant to be carried over to a land that is far richer than Tribe three land.

Let me give some background information. A landmark book entitled Tribal Leadership delineates the language and consequently the experiences and realities even of people as they go through life. From Tribe One to Five we find a succinct break-down of how people experience life, all told and attested to from their own mouths, the words they use when describing life.

If you talk about how busy you are, how you never have enough time and how tired you are then you are smack-dab in Tribe Three.

If you feel you must give permission and consensus for anything and everything, then you are in Tribe Three. Conversely, if you are waiting for permission, you are in Tribe Three.

If you are consumed with what you are doing, you are in Tribe Three.

If you calculate every decision and move that you make, ensuring to never take on too much, if you talk about balance, and warn others from over-doing it and burning out, you are in Tribe Three.

What cannot be seen, when one is in Tribe Three, is that there is a whole other land called Tribe Four. In Tribe Four things like time don't really matter, no one is waiting on or giving permission (it's not even on the radar), and balance doesn't matter because passion is the fuel.

Tribe Four has no burn-out and there is no exhaustion other than that great kind of exhaustion after a good work-out or a fabulous run. Tribe Four we do less and make more impact. We influence by the power of who we are and by the power of collaboration with others who are influencing by the power of who they are.

Accomplishing more, doing less. This is the landscape of Tribe Four.

Now I've written of these tribes before, you can check out a couple of them here, and here.

Today I write a bit more about crossing over from Tribe Three to Tribe Four.

I've realized that simply put, it requires heart, will and risk.

Fact is, when we are in Tribe Three, we cannot see, let alone imagine Tribe Four. And if you are in Tribe Three you would have been reading this with no comprehension of what I am talking about. I understand. Been there, done that.

The wall between Tribe Three and Tribe Four is so large, so high, so deep, so impenetrable that it takes a gargantuan shift in our beings to risk scaling it.

That risk, comes down to heart and will.

What are we passionate enough about to go after heart and soul? What stirs us so much that we throw all caution to the wind and pour our lives out?

It is similar to the story of the Secret Garden. Sick and dying we would rather lie-abed than take some effort to go after life.

We find our successes in Tribe Three and there we camp. Never realizing that those successes are meant for a much larger garden, a much larger landscape, a much larger world.

Tribe Four is that secret garden, where life abounds, where flowers bloom (and giggle) and new things grow and joy permeates.

But Tribe Four is not a walled garden, it is a vista reaching as far as the eye can see. But it is on the other side of the wall, the wall that we don't even know is there... our blind spot.

Only heart and will and risk will get us over that wall.

Heart that sees something no one else is seeing.

Will that puts legs under that heart, that makes choices towards the vision, cooperating with the vision.

And then the will to make it happen. To count one's life as lost unless this certain thing be gone after.

When all is said and done, it all comes back to that one great coaching question,

"What do you want?"

"Are you tired? Worn out? Burned out on religion? Come to me. Get away with me and you'll recover your life. I'll show you how to take a real rest. Walk with me and work with me—watch how I do it. Learn the unforced rhythms of grace. I won't lay anything heavy or ill-fitting on you. Keep company with me and you'll learn to live freely and lightly."
Matthew 11:28

Theory of Access

Cyndy Lavoie — 2011-11-04T16:09:52Z

I first heard the term 'theory of access' from John Taylor Gatto some dozen years ago. He described this as one of the key educational components that every person should know about, and should in fact be part of any good education.

We all have dreams and goals and things we want to do, places we want to go, and in order to move towards and along paths that work for us (and not against us), it is critical to understand how access happens.

For instance, (an example John Taylor Gatto gave the day I heard him speak): "Suppose you are in a college or university class and you have papers to write. Take a bit of time and educate yourself about the writing style of your professor. Find papers that the professor has written, study the style of writing, and write your own papers for that class in that same style. The professor will automatically connect with your paper with respect and a good mark."

In coaching, we call this building rapport. And building rapport creates profound trust. And trust, opens doors.

Simple as that

Likeability and trust are the key factors to achieving our goals and the visions of our life. These two thing trump every other thing by which we think achievement happens.

Theory of access is all about building rapport and establishing trust. And this is done by two things, paying close attention to those in leadership, and making oneself completely and utterly trustworthy.

Paying close attention to the leader is all about studying and learning and supporting who and what the leader holds most dear. Like the student who shows honor by writing in the style of the instructor (validating what the instructor values), so any of us can study our leaders and find out what makes them tick.

What is most important to them. Why do they do what they do. What is the thinking behind this or that particular decision. On what basis does the leader and organization exist. And most important, how can what we bring to the table enhance and support and make better, these very things.

We won't know how to bring our strengths to the table in a way that makes a dynamic difference, unless we know and understand the DNA of the organization, which boils down to knowing the DNA of the leaders.

So we become students. We ask questions. We pay attention. We take notes. We see what is of value and we find common denominators around which projects can take form and create impact.

If we are trustworthy with what is most important to the leader and the organization, we will be trusted with other aspects of the nature of the company.

If we are not trustworthy with what is most important to the leader and the organization, we will not be trusted with other aspects of the company. Period.

(Remember, leaders have already figured out theory of access and are gauging others according to the standards that they themselves have learned. Leaders are not looking for anything they themselves haven't already been or done. It is, after all, how they got to be leaders.)

Writing this I realize that this could be a whole days seminar and workshop. With so many dynamics coming into play:

attitude - are you working with or against others
demeanor - are you pleasant or grating
listening skills - are you really hearing what others are saying
judgments - where are your belief systems sabotaging you
basics of building rapport - creating resonance rather than dissonance
body language - is your body agreeing or disagreeing with your words
orienting to leaders - how well do you know your leader

There is more than what we can speak of in this one post. Suffice it to say, every single one of us has had doors held open for us by others. Achieving forward movement through our lives never ever happens by us and for us and with only us, forward movement only happens in the context of community.

Theory of Access is not a random abstract those 'who just get lucky' kind of thing. It is a clearly laid out grid by which we do life, and by which life is moving and shifting around us and for us. It is something worth paying attention to, and learning more about.

Theory of access is all about valuing and honoring others, it is about building rapport, creating likeability and delivering on trust.

It is worth all our whiles to learn all we can about theory of access, for it informs our every day, whether we know it or not.

Compassion Meets

Cyndy Lavoie — 2011-11-02T14:57:43Z

Compassion drives change. It makes transformation possible, and promotes growth.

Compassion meets people where they are at

The enemy of compassion is need. The moment you or I need something from someone else, we do not have as much space in our beings for compassion.

And others can feel this

Many of life's offenses are not so much filled with what we are doing, but more so, the way we are being.

Two people can say the same thing, with completely different results. Two people can expect the same thing, and one will create movement and growth, the other creating a brick wall and stalemates.

It comes down to need

The moment we demand our needs be met by another, we enslave them to ourselves. We remove free will and hold them captive to our will. Sensing this, the other person will resist. And so they should.

The most typical 'need' offenses are when we require others to uphold our reputation in some way. Think about all the need we put onto teenagers to somehow make us their parents, look good.

(FYI - Parents are the authors of rebellion)

Consider the spouse that is needy, does this build a marriage or does it drive a wedge?

It could very well be, that most violence is out of need not reconciled, but demanded from another.

Needs that require another to maintain the fragile reckonings of our inner persons are most offensive. Reputation, security, comfort, and more, are things that we either know deep within us, or not.

Not having these things deep inside, we look to those around us to supply them, and great harm is done. Our great need drives out all space for compassion. And we become a people demanding and grasping and abusing along the way.

Punishing and guilt-tripping and manipulating others to ensure we feel better, or safe, or...

Is no way to live

Compassion, on the other hand, releases others to the full ramifications of their choices.

Compassion releases ourselves to the truth of who we are, and the truth of others in relation to us. When we have compassion we simply don't have to maintain some status quo or idealized state.

Because in compassion, we are free agents. And in compassion we make free agents of others. Compassion drives the best of community, brings out the best in people, and leaves us feeling our best.

Compassion or need, need or compassion, can't have both, it'll be one or the other.

As I wrote in today's ADVANCE

"When we need something from someone we have no ability for compassion

And compassion drives development

As long as we need others to be a certain way for us, we in fact block development of that person or organization.

Need demands. Compassion meets."

You can try ADVANCE Daily subscription for $2.99 a month. Click here to find out more.

A Whole Lot More Story

Cyndy Lavoie — 2011-10-29T16:56:10Z

Heading off to Uganda at some point during the month of November, with an invitation to Capturing Courage International, to teach and preach and pray and extend healing to hearts, minds, and bodies, my personal and professional life and calling has dramatically shifted from 'one day' to 'now'.

It feels I've been a closet pastor.

And only now, am I coming out of the closet.

Knowing less than I knew before (with most every solid thing I was counting on up for grabs), with any solid knowing of the future shortened (I can see to the end of this year and that is it), there is one thing that I do know, that when the timing of our lives crosses an intersection we must be ready to respond.

Years back we had the privilege of making plans, of setting goals and of seeing those plans and goals worked out and through in a fairly methodical and straightforward manner.

All of this has changed dramatically. The rate of change in our world has created a speed of transmission of ideas and projects that defies our best logic. It appears that as time is winding down it is speeding up.

We simply must be nimble of spirit and heart.

I was given a picture in my mind's eye, of speaking to and praying over many people in Africa, some twenty-five or thirty years ago. For the last ten years I have had countless pictures and words spoken over me of the same and more. Bottom line, I've known this was coming for quite some time now...

And still, I am exceptionally surprised to find that 'one day', is now.

Funny how that is

Our best efforts at preparing will not ever fully prepare us. Our finest reckoning of timing and the course of our days is finite at best. And our human tendency to ensure our ducks are in a row... I can only laugh at this one!

What is not surprising to me, is the actual task at hand. We won't be doing anything there, that we haven't already been doing here.

Quite simply, we make safe spaces by which the hard things of our lives can be brought into the light of God, healed, released, made new, refreshed, energized with God's power and life in and through our beings to our very core, we are simply and profoundly transformed.

Inviting God into the mix of our lives we find opportunity to affirm and confirm all that is good and grand about who we are, we find God's love pressed down and running over into every crevice and sinew of our beings.

I wonder how it might change your life, if you knew, really got it, how very much God loves you?

Yet it is a hard thing to be in the presence of the Lord. Unless we are humble of heart we cannot stand it. Pride is burned up in the presence of God. Therefore whatever percentage of our being is comprised of pride... well, you can see the difficulty, and the risk.

Pressing through to invite, risking to have an encounter with the Living God, we are never the same.

Our lives are dramatically changed and shifted and we find beauty of living that defies our best educations, strength of soul that defies the pain of our pasts, and joy of being that defies all warnings to play it cool.

Passionate about God, we find that God is passionate about us.

And we all need to know this the same. It matters not our station, our education, our circumstance. It matters not our life's story, our wounds, our gifts. And though we may have pushed it down, hidden it away in some closet, denied it's existence, we are hungry to know we are loved, that our lives have meaning and purpose, and that what we see here and now, is only part of the story.

There is a whole lot more story to take hold of, to experience, to understand, to delight in.

Just a bit, of what we are taking to Uganda