I am Sorry
It was Saturday evening in Madudu, Uganda. I'd been in the village since Tuesday simply basking in the beauty of the people and the land. Sitting that evening on a bench at a wedding reception, a young girl came up to me to say hello and to shake my hand. Nothing out of the ordinary, I shook more hands and looked into more eyes that week than the previous months.
It is custom in Uganda to give respect and honour by kneeling before one to whom you want to show respect. And more than this, I suspect, one to whom deference is due.
I don't know where this custom first took root. Whether it comes out of the colonization of the country or was there beforehand, I simply do not know. (And it should be noted that it is a sign of respect not only towards whites, but anyone of significance.)
Needless to say, there were a number of women who would kneel when they met me or shook my hand. I did not create any scenes, made no drama even when in my head I was screaming, "NO! do not kneel before me!"
Until the night of the wedding.
As the young girl and I shook hands a gentleman near me instructed, "Kneel down in front of the white woman."
He spoke this in the local language, but I could pick out 'white woman', and I could tell by the tone that a command had just been given, and from the immediate kneeling of this little one before me I knew exactly what had been said.
I immediately countered, "Do NOT tell her that!"
And just as quickly my own and a few other hands to my side, reached out to lift her to her feet.
This all happened within seconds. I was horrified. To teach this to the next generation simply made me enraged.
The next morning was Sunday, and I was preaching at church. Now I preached quite a bit on this trip, averaged out it would have been at least once per day. But this day was a bit different.
I woke in the morning with the heaviness of that little girl being told to kneel before me simply because I was white, crushing my heart and mind with grief.
Colonization of countries is the same evil in the hearts of white folk that led to slavery in untold proportions around the world. The atrocities of this evil from whites toward blacks specifically, we are still healing from here in North America.
My heart has been breaking over this for some time already. Most recently, the movie The Help has me simply weeping, with no other adequate response, each time I see it.
And so to find myself in a country that had once been colonized. To be on the receiving end of this... idolatry of whites, was simply not okay.
That Sunday morning I could not stop crying. My heart broke further.
And so as part of my message that day, I apologized.
"On behalf of white folk the world over, I am so sorry"
I apologize in Jinja as well. With nearly just as many tears as the first time.
It appears this is part of my work in Africa. Perhaps the world over.
Quite frankly, the many many things that have gone wrong in times gone by, from one people group to another, continue to have profound effect and carry on strongholds within the lives of people and communities and nations.
And it takes someone to stand in the gap and to say, "That was not okay!"
"I am so very sorry"
And then, in the authority that God gives, to declare that the poison of these tragedies and of this evil be removed from the people, from the communities and from the nations.
Amen and amen
Uganda's 2012 is their 50th year anniversary of independence from British rule.
It appears there is a corporate work to be done there this year, if nothing more, to simply apologize and to rid once and for all the remnants of atrocity from the land.
Something I am profoundly glad to do.



Same as Jo-Ann tears came to my eyes reading the Blog " I am sorry" your are so real cyndy and you have such a gift of seeing and hearing all what's all around you and you have the courage to speak on it .. I'm so bless to have you to follow... keep doing what you do.
I's Tuesday night 10:17 pm and I'm a little anxious here , after I read the e-mail a friend send me...about the Perception
Priorities I send it to you in an e-mail
I loved it and I'm glad you did too.
Christmas is for some reason very difficult this year for me , so I'm trying to distract myself in doing things that are different then other years. Sorry I'm not really on track here hope it's ok .. well back in 1992 after a very bad car accident , saw a counselor and began a journey into myself.... and started journaling every day until the year my husband died in 2006 February 7th. to be correct and I stopped writing just like that .... well I've begun again on January 2012 to wite every morning .I'm praying to keep doing that , I think it would be a good healing . and prepare me for when we go on that Mission... sometimes it scares me of having made that commitment but I pray and I'm sure it will be a good thing for me.
I'm sorry I just walked in on you today with this ... some little voice said "talk to Cyndy" so that's what I did... I think you are a godsend right nw in this time for me to have around ..that's what I think. well
I so admire your work ,I will write again if it is ok.
blessings
take care
jeannine
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Good-Morning Jeannine. I love it that you popped in for a chat! I will try to respond here to each thing you have shared. First off, I concur that writing is a very healing activity to be sure. It has certainly been a good thing for myself. My own mind is clarified as I write. My heart and soul is given expression as it find expression. And I am sure you know to just start in and write. This sounds like what you are doing. Many of my own blog posts I start in with no clue what the point will in fact turn out to be. It shows up as I write, and turns out quite well most of the time! LOL There is a quote that I love, it says, "If you are not scared, you are not moving fast enough" So the scared to death, oh my gosh what have I committed to, is the best place to be. I don't think that anything of value happens in this world unless someone steps out of their comfort zone and goes after whatever it may be. Even in the midst of much trepidation and a certain element of being scared.
And yes the Perception Priorities was great. What an experiment. It made me think to pay more attention and take more time as I go through my days to see and appreciate the beauty that is ever present. Hey and never apologize for 'walking in on me'. It is how I reckon who are my friends in fact! I've always figured that if people can walk in on me then I am doing something right. So thank-you for your humble validation. I am still a bit sick and so my energy is not quite dependable yet, but in a couple of weeks I would love to have a tea date with you at Starbucks or somewhere. By the way, I love how you put, "began a journey into myself". Such a great picture of an epic journey no doubt for each and every one of us. Most people are afraid to explore the realms of their own inner worlds, hats off to you for taking that up again. I pray great peace and a deep presence of the Lord over you Jeannine. Blessings on your day, love and hugs to you, Cyndy
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