Christmas is an interesting time of year. Either the best or the worst of times, I've known it as both.

Christmas brings out the joy or pain of our lives and amplifies it either way.

This year I am finding a deep contentment that supersedes the decorations, the gifts, the food treats; all of which are nice but truly do not touch any genuine spirit of Christmas.

It has taken years to get here.

When I was a young mom I would spend hours decorating my tree, wrapping presents, and baking goodies. Somehow these activities alerted my being to the reality of Christmas.

I was not yet carrying Christmas inside myself, and I was therefore dependent on these outer habits and rituals to mark the season.

Somewhere through the years it began to change for me. Perhaps a natural aging process, I've come to lose the need for rituals to mark this season.

This year, I am not even buying any gifts. My finances at an all-time low, and having been sick with Malaria and in the hospital for a time and still recuperating, I am just not engaged in Christmas in the same way as I once was.

I cannot tell you how much I am enjoying this!

The opportunity to connect on a deeper level the reality of Christmas in my heart, is an opportunity I wouldn't pass on if I could. Glad to be experiencing deep gladness and contentment within my own being, these things can never be taken away.

It is no secret that Christmas in North America has become a bit of a rat race. With expectations at all time highs, and with disappointments at concurrent highs, Christmas has become a subservient slave to the circumstances and decisions of those around us.

Somewhere we gave away our happiness to the treats we have baked, the gifts we are receiving or giving, and the general attitude of those around us. We've given away our authority to decide and determine for and within ourselves what we want this season to be for us.

I distinctly remember being disgusted and burnt-out with Christmas habits and rituals as they had developed within my family. And the subsequent soul-searching and journey of articulating and defining what I wanted Christmas to be about for me, and who I wanted to be through Christmas.

It took some work, no doubt about it. It took some hard conversations, and literal stepping back and away from those things I could no longer and with integrity participate. It took a number of years and has been a journey of finding myself, and aligning my core values with the way Christmas plays out in reality.

What kind of person do I want to be through the Christmas season? How do I want to mark Christmas?

Questions that each of us can ask for ourselves.

You might be surprised at the answers.

Christmas' can be lived deliberately and with deep integrity; a worthwhile process of taking stock, asking yourself:

Who do you want to be this season, and next year, and the year after that?

What is truly most important to you?