I don't know what to write, as there is simply too much to say and so much to be thankful for; my heart is simply full and overflowing. It has been quite the week.

I woke up Monday morning not knowing anything: "Who am I, what am I about, and why am I doing any of what I do?"

(disillusionment after a big outpouring and deep work is common)

Knowing enough though, and with habits of forward movement, I got up and dressed and headed out to a local beach, camera in hand. I didn't take my computer, and I didn't take any book. Just me, my bikini and my camera.

(well, a little more than that!! LOL)

In the wake of grief and the shock of death, I am glad for the sun that has decided to grace us here in the greater Vancouver area. Those rays on my body have been restoring a physical depletion and I find in the simple care of my need for rest and some extra vitamin D, a strengthening of my whole being.

(my daughter vehemently declares that 45 year olds don't wear bikini's and I asked her where she ever got that rule!!)

Tuesday morning found me not wanting to get out of bed, and saying to myself, "I think this is what depression must feel like."

Yet with my wind-chime making merry music in the breeze, with the sun peaking through the clouds, all I really needed was something familiar and then something new and adventuresome. So after a work meeting (comfort in the familiar) I took a new (to me) bus route to find a downtown Starbucks in which to try and get to some work.

(a little nutty as I've a Starbucks three minutes from my home, and another dozen within five miles)

The process of grieving and of physical and emotional restoration is an individual journey I am sure. There is no 'one size fits all' formula, we've just got to walk the journey and do what feels right at the time. Unable to think even a day ahead, becomes in an odd way a gift. One thing at a time, day by day, creates a solid underpinning that girds the work of being fully present, to simply miss someone.

(my week, erratic by previous standards, makes perfect sense for right now)

With a week mixed of outings and work and friends and ministry and community (and lots of naps in between times), I find myself today simply enjoying the silence of my home, our bunny in his favorite spot on the chaise, the tinkle of wind chimes, the beauty of flowers (Anna's flowers), the smell and feel of real soap, breakfast with a friend, the savoring of a great cup of tea, eggs on toast....

And am thankful, so thankful, for habits of appreciation, habits of celebrating what others have that I don't have, habits of forward movement and habits of community and friendships, habits of intuition and going with the flow, habits of silence and solitude, habits of faith and intention to know God's heart, habits of big picture perspective, habits of raucous laughter with girl-friends...

(I've not a thing of which to complain)

With, "All that I have seen teaching me to trust the creator for all I have not seen."

It's Forward Ho

And time to go lay in the sun